I hate blogging. It's been forever. This is just my stream of consciousness. It's been long- very very long. The irony is that in the last 9 months I have written more consistently than I ever have– it's just that very little got published.
But I need to get my jam back; I need to create things people can build upon. Or at the very least, I need to stave away from not creating and just consuming.
This blogpost might not get published today. It might take another week, or another month, or another year to get something of actual value to others. But that's okay. What matters is that I sat down to start writing. I didn't start researching how to get over writer's block, or study how to write better.
This post was inspired by another post, which the author typed out on an iphone over the course of months.
Okay, back to the topic at hand. Why do I hate blogging?
I don't know actually. Well, I think I know, just not enough to explain it.
But I'm going to try to explain anyways, in the hope that by saying shit out loud some of it will sound profound.
I have an obsession with organizing things. I have a lot of new information that are way below my required level of organization. They're things that might not make sense at all to somebody else.
I like finishing things. I don't like putting things out there that look unfinished.
Actually, I don't like finishing things. I have ADHD and it gets in the way, sometimes more than I can handle.
But I can't blame my condition. It's like owning a shitty car, you just have to take care of it and pamper it so the wheels don't fall off. I've never owned or driven a car, let alone a shitty one.
Not sure if this is a therapeutic writing session, and therefore the start of something glorious, or the first of many mental breakdowns– with everything going downhill from here.
What I do know is that I've sat down and typed furiously at my keyboard for several minutes, even if it was after several online detours. I've created instead of consuming, even if it's a steaming pile of word vomit. See what I did there? Hopefully that produces twice the disgust.
So yeah, I hate blogging, I love writing. I don't like appearing like I don't know my shit, even though I'm okay, and actually encourage others to I will be posting more, whether here or elsewhere.
This has been great to get out of my system. It may or not get published. But it opens the doors for me to post other stuff, and to create other stuff. Useful stuff.
Wow, I'm nearing 500 words. Can you tell I've been counting the words? I haven't, actually. But now I do so I'm trying to stretch this post. You should've stopped reading a long time ago.